Stalking Lily
by AllyCat-Dolphinlover
Summary: We know James is desperate to get Lily to go out with him... but is he desperate enough to stalk her? Unfortunately, yes he is. Read and review! Come on, I know you can! JPLE
1. In which James proposes his idea

**Disclaimer:** insert hilariously clever disclaimer that will make you fall out of your seat laughing No, I do not on Harry Potter.

**Stalking Lily**

By AllyCat-Dolphinlover

**IN WHICH JAMES PROPOSES HIS IDEA**

"You are not going to stalk Lily, James." Remus said calmly, without looking up from his book, shortly after James offered his idea.

"Sure I will!" James disagreed.

"Don't tell him what to do!" Sirius said to Remus. He paused then turned to James, "Jamesie, you can't just stalk Evans."

"But-" James searched for an argument. "Why not?"

"Because... it's creepy!" Sirius said.

"Yeah." Peter added from the other side of the dorm, even though he probably had no idea what was happening.

"Creepy, you say?" James questioned in an oddly creepy way. "Is it? Is it really!?" James 'attempted' to raise his eyebrow smartly, but ending up looking constipated.

"James, don't attempt the eyebrow thing, you can't do it, only I can." Remus said smugly, again without looking up.

"Be nice, Moony!" Sirius said like a mother telling off her two children. "We both know Jamesie has a very fragile ego!" he pointed to James who was looking pathetically sad from his bed trying to regain his shattered ego. "Besides," he added. "I can do the eyebrow thing too."

"How is it that only I have a weird nickname?" Remus asked, finally looking up at them.

"Because you are a wacky, weird werewolf." Sirius explained calmly.

"But, you are a weird animagi, also nice alliteration."

"Thank you." said Sirius smiling politely.

"Yeah." Peter repeated.

"Well..." Sirius said thoughtfully, looking at Peter. "We could call Pete... _Tail-y?..."_

The others gave him a look that clearly stated, 'Why the hell would we want to do that?'

"Because he has a tail!" he said excitedly.

"You idiot, we all have tails!" Remus exclaimed.

"Yeah, but his looks like a _worm_!" he giggled.

There was a pause. "Did you just giggle?" Remus asked.

"You might as well call me 'Wormtail' then!" Peter said as a feeble attempt for a joke but got a different reaction then hoped.

The other three stared him contemplating the idea.

"Good idea, Pete!" Sirius congratulated grinning.

"Yeah, or should we say _Wormtail_." Remus said, inwardly glad he wasn't the only one with a nickname.

"Or _Wormy_ for short!" Sirius put in.

"No... just, no..." Remus said shaking his head pitifully at Sirius.

"Hello!? Although congratulations are in order for your name." he added to Peter. "Back to ME!" James said annoyed, pointing at himself.

"What about you?" The three asked in unison.

"My Lily stalking idea!"

"Oh yeah It's stupid." Sirius said.

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is."

"It could work!"

"I'm not saying it can't... I'm saying it's stupid."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is."

"NO IT ISN'T!"

"YES IT IS!"

"Prat."

"Bighead."

"Teddy-bear lover."

Sirius gasped glancing nervously at his pillow, as if someone could so the teddy bear underneath it, "You promised you say anything about Snuffles!"

"Yeah well, I lied!"

"You... _liar!!_"

"How original."

"Well how about... You egoistic, fat-headed... um, selfish, arrogant... uh... spoilt... git!" Sirius concluded dramatically.

"That's not original, you stole those from all from Evans!"

"So? She wrote a book of them! I can't just waste them!"

James opened his mouth then paused, "She wrote a book?"

"It was actually a list written during History of Magic that I managed to acquire," said Sirius scratching his nose. "but it has cute little drawings of you falling of your broom and getting hit by pianos and other large muggle instruments, too." Sirius added.

James shrugged understandably, then gasped melodramatically, "AND _YOU_ TRIED TO USE IT AGAINST ME!"

Sirius nodded smugly.

"I see... Well, if that's where your loyalty lies... then... I'll just have to bring out my secret weapon." he felt around under his bed and found his plastic sword Remus got him in the 3rd year for Christmas and turned around to face Sirius.

What he forgot was that Sirius received an identical one and was now pointing at his face. Sirius looked at him with an expression that said, '_Bring it on._'

So the two engaged in a mighty, three-minute battle (or perhaps longer but Remus couldn't be bothered to count), before James tripped over a sock and fell and landed on Peter.

"AHHHHHH!!!"

"..."

"..."

A quiet cough echoed throughout the room.

"You're on me, Pete." James said quietly.

"I know."

"How did that happen?" James wondered out loud.

"I really do not know..."

"I see... Are you planning to get off me? I mean, I know I am like super strong and everything with my Quidditch skills... but you're really heavy." James said in all modestly.

"Sorry." Peter said heaving himself up.

James got up and turned to his opponent. Sirius blew on the end of his sword with a conceited expression then chucked it under his bed.

"You lost the fight." Remus stated.

"I tripped." James corrected gesturing to the sock.

"After you lost." Remus added.

"No, I tripped!"

"Don't be a sore loser, Jamesie." said Sirius shaking his head. "Not a good quality in Quidditch captains."

"James is always a sore loser." Remus put in.

"STOP PUTTING ME DOWN, MAN!" Remus just laughed.

"OH SIRI!" a high-pitched scream called from the common room.

"What was that?" asked Remus looking... was it amused?

"Oh Merlin..." Sirius muttered.

"What?"

"I-it's Grace!"

"Grace?" the other Marauders asked.

"Yeah that Hufflepuff. She just wont leave me alone!"

"Grace- the president of you fan club, Grace?"

"The very insane- I mean the very same.

"SIRI! SIRI-POO!"

"Siri-poo? I should write this down..." Remus muttered, his eyes darting around the room for some spare parchment and a quill to record this priceless moment.

"How does she know the password to the common room?" Peter asked.

"Who knows!" Sirius cried hysterically.

"SIRI-POO! WHERE ARE YOU?"

"NOT HERE!" Sirius shouted giving his fellow friends the thumbs up. Remus and James blinked at his stupidity.

"YOU'RE SO FUNNY!" she shrieked. "COME DOWN! OR I'LL COME UP!"

"Mate, I need the cloak." Sirius said desperately to James.

"Nah, I think I'd rather watch what happens."

"You down understand," his voice trembled. "I _need _it." James was surprised to see tears in his friend's eyes.

"Not the puppy dog eyes!" he whined.

"Irresistible to men and women." Peter added commercially.

The others stared at him, questioningly. James sighed, "I suppose you could-"

"JAMIE!"

"What was that?" James asked quickly, his eyes widening.

"JAMIE! JAY JAY!" The voice continued, "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"Olivia." James murmured. He turned to Sirius. "Sorry mate, I am in need of it more than you."

"What!?" Sirius yelped.

"SIRI!"

"JAY JAY!"

"Where is the cloak!?" James yelled searching through his trunk.

"I don't know!" Sirius said biting his nails. "I'm the one who wanted to borrow it!"

"Remus!"

"How would I know?"

There was a deadly silence.

"Peter?"

"Y-yes, James, old friend?"

"Where is my cloak?" he asked dangerously quiet.

"I believe I left in the Shrieking Shack last week." Peter said avoiding James' eyes.

"I see." James said before he and Sirius burst out in tears.

"Oh come on guys!" Remus said. The two just sobbed harder.

"It's really not that bad." he tried hopefully. He sighed as they began whimpering. His friends really did scream pathetic.

"This is all your fault." Remus said to Peter. "Now they'll be at it for hours."

-----L-I-N-E-B-R-E-A-K-----

Meanwhile downstairs two girls where laughing their head off.

"How long do you think they'll be up there whimpering for, before they realise no-one's coming up?" Lily Evans asked her best friend, Marlene McKninnion, after she had changed their voices back to normal.

"Oh I'd say about three hours, four tops." Marlene replied seriously. The two looked at each other before laughing again.


	2. In which James prepares

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Harry Potter, Ron and Hermione would have got together in book 4.

POST THIS DISCLAIMER ALL R/HR SHIPPERS

**Stalking Lily**

By AllyCat-Dolphinlover

**IN WHICH JAMES PREPARES**

"Black robes?"

"Do we really have to do this?"

"I said, 'Black robes'?"

Sirius sighed, "Check."

James smiled and checked it off on his list. "Black gloves?"

"Check."

"Black Sunglasses?"

"Check?"

"Binoculars?"

"Are those really necessary?"

"YES! Now, binoculars?"

He sighed again, "Check... but I'm turning them blue."

James chose to ignore the comment his friend made. "Two-way mirrors?"

"Check."

"Black..." he struggled to think of piece of equipment he may use that could come in black. "Socks?"

"Why does everything have to be black, it's broad daylight."

"Sirius?" asked James with a scary smile.

"Yes, Jamsie?"

"Are you the head Evans-watcher?"

"Why are you saying Evans-watcher? We're stalking her, you know it, and I know it. Hey, I even bet Evans herself-" Sirius waved his hands around in a frustrated manner as if doing so would somehow give James some sense.

"Remus feels uncomfortable with the term 'stalking'... it's not my fault." he defended pointlessly.

Sirius glanced around the room expecting to Remus, "Remus isn't here."

James scratched his chin thoughtfully, "True... Oh well, are you the head stalker?"

Sirius took a step backwards, "Hey, I don't even want to-"

"I SAID, 'Are you the head stalked'?" interrupted James.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "No, but I-"

James help up a silencing hand, "That is all."

"I don't-"

"Black socks?"

"-want to-

"BLACK SOCKS!?"

"Wormtail is ironing them and-I-don't-want-to-" he tried, speaking as fast as he could.

"Excellent." James interrupted. He pulled out a piece of paper and began scribbling on.

"-stalk-Evans! I-"

"DON'T SAY THE NAME!" he looked around the deserted dorm as if waiting for someone to jump out and attack them.

"We refer to her as '_The Subject_'." he finished calmly, dusting invisible dust of his robes and then resumed to scribbling. "We must remain discreet."

"We are referring to ourselves as '_Evans-watchers_', how discreet can we be?" Sirius asked dryly.

"Oh dear God." A voice said. The pair turned to see Remus at the portrait entrance holding a butterbeer bottle, "Please, _please_ tell me you two are not actually going through with stalking Lily." he looked at their complete black outfits and shuddered.

"Hey, I don't want to-" started Sirius, but James clamped a hand over his mouth with one hand and continued scribbling on the paper with the other.

"Use the term 'Evans-watcher' it's better for the conscience." he promoted.

"James, we all know its stalking." said Remus.

"Only trying to help... And yes we are stalking Evans," said James, he looked Remus in the eye. "and _you, _Remus Lupin," he pointed a finger at Remus. "are going to help us."

"Remus is going to what now?" Remus asked clearly not believing his ears.

"Remus is going to help stalk Lily." James said slowly and clearly.

"No, Remus is not!" Remus waved his right hand and hit Sirius on the head.

"Yes Remus is." said James as though Remus was a little kid refusing to finish the rest of his vegetables.

"No. _No._ NO. Remus is not going to... Wait, was Remus- URGH! Was _I_ just referring to myself as a third person?" Remus asked.

"Four times actually." James commented. "It was actually quite weird of- OW!" He turned to Sirius with a shocked face, "Y-you _bit_ me!"

"You were suffocating me." Sirius said brushing his self off.

"I have rabies!" James cried prodding his hand.

"Are you indicating that I'm some sort of animal?" Sirius asked outraged.

"Are you or you not an illegal animagus?" said James raising his eyebrows.

"I am!" He defended.

"Me too!" corresponded James.

"I know!... What were we talking about again?"

"Me." Remus said. "And why are you scribbling all over my homework!?" he asked James.

"I-" he glanced at his parchment and sure enough there was Remus' homework on the other side. "Huh." he stated thinking quickly. "It's all about homework with you, isn't it?!" he yelled at Remus.

"What?"

"I try and I try to have a serious conversation with you and you and _this_ is how you repay me!?" he waved around the paper,

Remus stared at his friend and said the only thing that seemed to fit the situation he was in, "What the hell?"

"Always talking about homework! Well you no what? I'll take your '_homework_' and I'll do this!" he crumpled the paper and chucked it out the window.

"HA! What do you have to say about that now, Remus, what do you have to say!?"

"I'd say, you just threw my homework out the window." Remus stated looking out the window.

"_OW!_" A voice cried from out the window. James and Remus decided to ignore it.

"What are you going to do about it?" challenged James feeling rather impressed with himself for the scene he had caused.

"_OH MERLIN MY EYE! IT'S BLEEDING!! MY EYE IS BLEEDING_!!" it continued from outside. Sirius looked up and searched around the dormitory for the source of the strange noise.

He went to the window and summoned his rather bloody homework and stared at it. Deciding it was useless he dropped the paper again. "Well, I am _not_ stalking Lily." said Remus.

James eyes widened, "You have to!" he begged. "You're the most important part! Without you, we have no hope!"

"_OW, MY OTHER EYE! OH COME ON! WHY? WHY ME?" _the mysterious voice screamed.

Sirius was nodding along then stopped. "But, but... you said that to me!" he said to James.

"You are!" James reasoned. "You're the most important..." he paused thoughtfully. "Field agent! Remus is going to be hanging around with her, asking questions, listening just sitting there... The boring, Remusy job." he concluded.

"So I am boring?" Remus asked raising and eyebrow, he didn't even bother to correct James' use of the word Remusy.

"Err... no! Sirius is! We'll be following you guys! You get to be in control! By... uh, talking... and... other fun stuff!"

"Oh, so _I_ am boring?" Sirius asked raising his eyebrow.

"... How do you do that!?" James said glaring at Sirius' eyebrow.

"You can't do it James!" Remus repeated.

"Yeah... Antler-Boy!" Sirius added.

"Antler-Boy?..." asked James.

"Potential nickname?" offered Sirius.

"No way." refused James.

"Why not?"

James puffed out his chest, "Antler-Man." said James in what he hoped was a manly way.

"As fun as two word sentences are, I am going to stop this conversation," Remus said. "James, there is no way in hell, I am going to call you Antler-Man... and I'm not going to help you stalk Lily!"

"Remus, _you_ have to!" cried James abandoning his manliness.

"Call you Antler-Man?" he asked disturbed that his friend actually liked the nickname enough to want to be referred to by it.

"No," James shook his head, he put knelt down and put his hands together, "Help me stalk Evans!"

"What? Why?"

"Because... because I became animagus for you!"

"I didn't tell you to!" Remus argued although he felt a bit guilty.

"But I still did it! You owe me!" he sighed loudly and heavily and got up. "But fine, leave your friend in his time of need, even though he helped you..." he sighed again. "Go on, just leave me to do it alone with only _Sirius_ helping!"

"HEY!" argued Sirius.

James ignored him, his eyes watering slightly as he looked at Remus.

"You suck, you know that." Remus said guiltily. "I'll help."

"Excellent!" James clapped his hands together in celebration of his success. "Sirius you have to help too!" he ordered.

"Why?" defied Sirius.

"Because..." he paused. "you are my friend."

"Fine."

"That was easy," Remus said. "Sirius, I thought you were harder to bend."

"Did you _not_ hear his reason?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"I have you're socks!" Peter yelled arriving into the dormitory.

"Terrific, here's the deal..."

Remus sighed and started listening to James ramble about his plan; thinking, not for the first time, his friends were complete idiots.

-----L-I-N-E-B-R-E-A-K-----

"Everyone know the plan?" asked James.

"Unfortunately," said Remus darkly. James shot him a silencing glare.

"Um, James?" A squeaky voice called to him.

"Yes, Pete?"

"I... um, well... I've noticed that... I'm not... no offence to your plan of course, but... I, um-"

"Spit it out already!" cried Sirius.

"I'm not really in your plan!" he blurted out.

"Err... You're the base and research agent!"

"What's that?"

"It means you get go over the notes after missions-" Remus groaned at the word missions. "-here at the _base_ and... um, _research_ where Evans will be next."

"Shouldn't we just-" tried Peter.

"No!" James screamed. "I mean, it's more fun this way."

"But, I didn't say what we should do!" Peter objected.

"I SAID, 'IT'S MORE FUN'!"

"I don't find this fun." muttered Sirius.

"Okay..." Peter said. "I guess I-"

"Good."

"But I didn't say what I guessed yet!"

"I SAID, 'GOOD'!"

"C-crazy." Sirius faked coughed. "Sorry I had something in my throat there..."

James glared at him, then picked up the unfinished Marauder's map, "So we are here and Evans is here," Remus nodded in understatement. "-there... there or here-" James continued, pointing them out.

"Wait, hold on, '_here, there, there or here'_? I thought we had improved the map?" Remus asked.

"We had." James said, pushing his glasses up to the top of his nose, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"What do you mean 'had'? Oh wait!" he laughed in recognition. "Is this about what happened in the room of requirement?"

"The first rule about what happened in the Room of Requirement: We do not talk about what happened in the room of requirement." James stated shuffling various papers together, which most likely did not belong to him.

"Oh come on, Jamesie!" Sirius said with his trademark bark-like laugh. "It wasn't that bad! All what happened was-"

"The second rule about what happened in the Room of Requirement: What happened in the room of requirement, _stays _in the room of requirement"

"You're being ridiculous!" Remus reasoned, "We just-"

"The third rule-"

"We get it, we get it!"

"Splendid, moving on," said James.

"Finally!" exclaimed Sirius.

James glanced at the sheet of paper located in his hands, "Number six: Sirius you owe me three galleons."

"Gnah?"

"You owe me three galleons."

Sirius stood up to express his outrage, "But I'm broke! And I'm practically ORPHANED!" he sniffed. "And orphan who lived a TERRIBLE life, with and EVIL family! You'll force broke young orphan to sell his last possessions, the ONLY things reminding him of the little happiness he has, just to pay you back THREE MEASLY GALLEONS?"

"Yes."

"Fine I'll sell my beaters bat, then I'll suck at Quidditch by hitting bludgers at our team and make us lose the game on next Friday."

"The bat doesn't belong to you." James commented. "and it's not worth three galleons..."

"Than I'll steal it along with your Quidditch magazines. You better not '_snitch'_."

James eyes widened at his emphasise on the word snitch. "Okay, just not last months issue, I'm mentioned in there."

"It says James Thompson from America!" said Remus.

"_James_._ James_... Thompson." he covered the last name with a cough.

"What's next?" asked Peter.

"Number seven:" read aloud Sirius. "To the li.. lib... libra.."

"Sound it out." advised Remus.

"Lib-ra-ry!" concluded Sirius proudly.

James seized the paper from Sirius and read, "Number seven: To the library!"

"Where?"

Remus sighed, "The place with books, Sirius, the place with books."


	3. Fun in the Library

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter… or his parents… or his parents' friends… I don't even own the random characters, they are named after friends…

**Stalking Lily**

By AllyCat-Dolphinlover

**FUN IN THE LIBRARY**

"Go, go, go!" ordered James urgently to his troop.

"I'll go when I go!" Sirius retorted moving extra slowly.

"Sirius..."

"Y-e-e-a-a-h?" asked Sirius slowly.

"Don't." he said dangerously, he turned to his other friend, "Remus?"

"Yes, James?" asked Remus politely._ I mask my annoyance rather well, _he thought.

"Go sit with Evans now! Time is ticking!" he pointed to the paper watch on his wrist Sirius had made him.

Remus sighed and began to move away from his friend. "Oh and Remus?" Remus turned to James. "Mask your annoyance better."

Remus resisted the urge to run into a bookshelf. "Hey, Lily." he said sitting beside Lily in the Library.

Lily looked up, "Remus! Thank Merlin you're here!"

"_Somebody_ seems excited Remus has arrived." Sirius whispered to James behind the shelf next to Lily and Remus were sitting at.

James pulled out a book from the shelf, hit Sirius with it, and then put it back neatly.

"Ow..."

"What's the problem?" asked Remus.

"Bloody Transfiguration!"

"Of course." said Remus with a smile.

"Lily... doesn't... like... transfiguration..." jotted down James in his 'Official Lily-stalking Book'.

"I can't believe I'm in place where there are _books_..." Sirius muttered in disgust.

"How should anyone my age know about the process of becoming an animagus?" Lily ranted. Remus snorted at her question. "What?" she asked with irritation.

"I'm laughing with you?" offered Remus.

Lily bought it. "Can I copy you?" she asked innocently.

Sirius and James' eyes widened. Lily Evans was asking a fellow prefect if she could copy his work.

"Lily!"

"What? I Can?"

"Well, I haven't actually finished mine, but I'm appalled at you."

"Come on," urged Lily. "Marly is just gonna copy me, even though she's better at it than me... hell, anyone's better at it than me! Your friends-" she broke off, thinking. "Your friends." she stated in a un-Lilyish voice.

"I don't like where she is going." Sirius muttered.

"I do." James replied focusing their binoculars on her.

"What are you talking about, Lily?" Remus asked in a 'do-I-really-want-to-know?' voice.

"You can steal your friends homework!" she said.

Sirius and James' jaws dropped.

"And give it to me-" she continued.

Sirius and James dropped their binoculars with a thud.

"To copy!" she finished.

This was too much for Sirius; he fell backwards in a faint. James, however pulled out his wand, "Accio!" he cried.

"Lily, I'm not going to steal James' and Sirius' homework so you can copy-"

"Not Potter _and_ Blacks homework, just _one_-" Lily's sentence was broken by a loud cry.

"I'LL HELP YOU EVANS!" James yelled coming out of his 'hiding place' carrying a piece of parchment.

"Potter, what are you doing here?... This is the _library_," said Lily, putting an emphasis on library though gritted teeth.

"I know perfectly well where I am," he said.

"Are you sure you're not lost or something?" she asked confused.

"No!" he said defensively, "I've been here before!"

"Really?"

"Of course, Sirius is the one who's scared!"

"Black's scared of the library- Hold on, Black is _in_ the library?" she asked.

"Yeah, behind that shelf with the binoculars," James confirmed, pointing. Sirius smiled and waved nervously before hitting his forehead repetitively on the shelf.

"What do you want?" Lily asked James.

"I am here to let you copy my homework," he said holding out his piece of parchment.

"James, Lily wasn't serious-" Remus started at James.

"Of course she wasn't, I am Sirius!" Sirius called from the shelf. Everyone ignored him.

"- She wasn't actually going to copy you-"

"Give it here!" Lily cried, snatching the parchment from James.

"- And yet again, I remain an ignored shadow of responsibility."

"Hold on," Lily said scanning the parchment. "This isn't homework this is just a list of excuses to tell the professors."

"What?" Remus asked looking over her shoulder.

"_One, tell McGonagall my dog ate it_," she read out. "You aren't allowed dogs at Hogwarts... Oh wait, _two, if one doesn't work tell McGonagall Sirius ate it_."

"One time!" Sirius cried.

"_Three, if above doesn't work, say I was too busy practicing for Quidditch so we can win the cup this year_. Hey, you're using McGonagall's weakness against her!"

"It's what I do," James said with a charming smile.

"_Four, tell Flitwick I was in the hospital wing after being ambushed by seventh year Slytherins (pause dramatically for awes from girls), I managed to win... but at a price..._ What the hell is this?"

"Every detail must be planned out, Evans, surely even _you_ know about organization."

"_Five, tell Slughorn I was too down after being rejected by his favourite pupil._ Oh please! _Six, tell Kettleburn I was attacked by the schools rampaging hippogriffs and was unable to complete my homework._ Hippogriffs don't 'rampage' unless you insult them... although I wouldn't put it past you."

"I'm not that stupid, I wouldn't insult a thestral!"

"Hippogriff." Remus automatically corrected.

"_Seven, tell new DADA teacher on full moon I had to investigate strange howling._ You don't even know the Professor's name!?"

"We get a new one each year, it's hard to keep track..."

"_Seven, tell Binns I almost died._ Okay that one was just mean."

"What can I say?" said James proudly. "I'm a rebel."

She threw the list back at him in frustration. "Hey that's important," he said.

"It's a list of excuses no teacher's ever going to buy!"

"And you may use as many of those excuses as you please."

"It's useless! It will never work."

"What ever happened to _it's the thought that counts_?"

"It became pointless when you and Black were born."

"Makes sense..." Sirius and Remus said in unison. Remus looked horrified that he thought like Sirius for a second.

"You don't listen! You don't do your homework! How the hell are you the top of transfiguration?" yelled Lily.

"Jealous aren't we?" smirked James.

"Of course I am! I listen, I take notes, I study, I do my homework-"

"You mean copy Remus?" corrected James.

"ARGH! I hardly copy Remus-"

James pointed a finger in the air, "Hardly? Aha, so you do copy Remus."

"Hardly ever, only in transfiguration..." Lily stopped on account of realizing her strange need to justify herself to _Potter_ of all people. "Like you can talk!" By then a crowd had gathered in the library around them.

"Of course I can talk... I can walk and talk!"

"He doesn't understand the concept of the term," explained Remus.

"Yeah, but I'm still the top in transfiguration." James said smugly. "Explain that!"

"You know not everyone has a wand made for transfiguration!" Lily contradicted.

"Well... actually," Sirius said pulling out his wand.

"Yeah..." said a bystander pulling his out.

"Don't forget me!" another called.

"What about me?" a girl asked.

"SHUT UP!" yelled Lily. She turned back to James.

"You know this is rich coming from Miss I-have-a-charms-wand!"

"Oh, please Charm wands are common," she turned to the crowd. "Right?" she asked hopefully.

"Well..."

"I don't have one."

"Sorry."

"I like chicken!" Everyone turned to Sirius. "I do, though..."

"How do you even know do much about my wand!? Who's the stalker now!?" shouted James in triumph.

"I love watching them fight!" Sirius commented to Remus. "It's like free entertainment."

"Who's the stalker now?" asked Lily confused. "What?... Do you stalk me?"

"N-noo" James lied. "That would be _weird_!"

"It would explain why you and Black are wearing black with random ink lines on your cheeks and are in the library!"

"You know some people just like black!"

"Of course, everyone likes me!" Sirius said.

"He meant the colour, Sirius, some people just like it," said Remus.

"I do, it brings out my eyes," Sirius said.

"Doesn't it?" a girl said flirtatiously to Sirius.

"Thank you... what's your name?" he added as an afterthought.

"... We went out last month," she reminded him.

"Ah, I remember!" The girl smiled in relief at (what she hoped would be) her future husband. "Sharon!" Sirius announced with a smile.

She blinked at him, "Amy," she corrected frowning slightly.

He snapped his fingers together. "Sorry, Anna."

"Amy!" she tried again more slowly.

Sirius waved an impatient hand, "Whatever, Jenny-"

"AMY!"

"Back to me!" James called.

"You mean us!" Lily said glaring at him with her hands on her hips.

"Us? So there is an us!"

"What? No!... I meant we were both talking! Everything is about you... you're so self-absorbed! Do you ever think about anything other than yourself!?" she yelled.

There was a silence in the library (for once) and James ran a hand through his hair nervously, "So, I'm guessing this wouldn't be a good time to ask you out?"

"ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!"


End file.
